Why Aren’t We Talking More About Matrescence?

The Word That Changed Everything for Me as a New Mother

I found new motherhood so much harder than I expected.

After three long years of trying, and a high-risk pregnancy with our surprise little miracle, I was already emotionally drained by the time I held my baby in my arms. But I had no idea the ride I was about to go on.

Physically, I was a mess after a less-than-ideal birth.


Emotionally, I was anxious, overwhelmed, and raw.


I cried tears of heart-expanding joy at my baby’s tiny expressions—and cried again under the crushing weight of it all.

As the months went by, the broken sleep compounded. I began to feel like a shell of myself.


Disconnected from my body.


Distant from my partner and friends.


So deeply alone, in a room that was never really empty.

I was shocked by the mental load, the identity shift, the constant push-pull of wanting to be so good at this, while quietly wondering if I was failing.

What made it even harder was believing I shouldn't be struggling.


I had a supportive husband. A beautiful, healthy baby.


Other mothers seemed to be coping—why wasn’t I?

I wasn’t just exhausted.


I was spiraling.

Then I found a word I’d never heard before:


Matrescence.

And it changed everything.

What Is Matrescence?

Matrescence is the physical, emotional, hormonal, psychological, and social transition a woman goes through when she becomes a mother.

The term was first coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael (the same woman who introduced the term “doula”), and more recently brought into modern maternal mental health conversations by Dr. Aurelie Athan of Columbia University.

Think of it like adolescence:


Another massive identity shift, complete with hormone fluctuations, emotional intensity, body changes, brain rewiring, social reorientation, and existential questioning.


Only this time, it’s wrapped in silence and unrealistic expectations to “bounce back” and be grateful every moment AND you’ve got the added weight of responsibility to keep this tiny human alive while your own body is in the process of healing.

Matrescence reminds us that becoming a mother is not a moment—it’s a process.


One that deserves patience, support, and compassion.

When I learned about matrescence, it was like a light turned on.


I had a name for the fog. A framework for what I was feeling.


And most importantly, I had permission to stop pretending I was okay.

Why Don’t We Talk About This More?

Why isn’t this taught in prenatal classes?


Why aren’t doctors, midwives, and well-meaning visitors saying, “You’re not broken. You’re going through matrescence”?

Because naming it normalizes it.


And if we normalize it, we can support it—rather than pathologize or dismiss it.

We prepare so thoroughly for pregnancy and birth.


We track every symptom, plan every detail, take classes on labor positions and breathing techniques.


But what about preparing the mother for what comes after?

Not just how to look after the baby.


But how to look after herself.


This new version of her.


This woman who has just undergone a profound emotional and biological transformation.

There’s a gaping hole in how we approach motherhood preparation.


We focus so much on the baby's needs, but we forget that a mother is being born too.


She needs care.


She needs understanding.

She needs language, support, and tools to weather the storm of identity shifts, emotional surges, hormonal chaos, and changes in every corner of her life.

Until we acknowledge matrescence, too many mothers will keep silently struggling—believing they’re failing, when in truth, they’re just becoming.

Once I had the language, I dove deep into learning how to support myself.


I explored emotional regulation, nervous system health, identity shifts, boundaries, attachment theory, and postpartum well-being.

I leaned into my background in counseling and child development and saw how deeply interconnected everything was:

When I supported my own nervous system, I showed up more calmly with my baby.
When I reconnected with myself, I began to feel more confident.


When my partner and I worked on communication, our bond grew stronger—and that strength became the foundation for the family we were building.

From Surviving to Supporting: Calm Cadets

I didn’t want other mothers to feel as lost or alone as I did.

So I began creating what I had so desperately needed in that first year:


Gentle, research-informed, emotionally honest tools that support you as you become a mother.

That’s how the Calm Cadets creations: For You to Read to Your Baby (and Yourself) books and the New Mama Booster Kits were born.

Not from a place of just theory.


But from lived experience, deep emotional work, and a fierce desire to tell the truth.

Because this work is hard.


And it’s beautiful.


And it’s real.


And you shouldn’t have to navigate it in silence.

Let’s Say the Word

Matrescence is not a trend.


It’s a biological, psychological, and emotional reality—and it matters.

It deserves a place in how we talk about motherhood, in how we support new parents, and in how we treat ourselves and each other.

If you’re in the thick of it right now—tender, tired, and wondering if you’re the only one—let this be your reminder:


You’re not broken. You’re becoming.


And you’re doing it beautifully.

Let’s talk about it. Let’s name it.


Let’s make space for this transformation.

You deserve to feel seen, supported, and held—every step of the way.

Whether you're pregnant and preparing yourself, or already in the thick of it and looking for simple, nurturing tools to support your journey through matrescence –

our Booster Kits are the soft landing you didn't know you needed—created with heart, backed by research, and designed to hold you in the first year of motherhood.